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Every · Moment · of · the · Year
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because of certain things I do.
I was off to such a good start this year, and then today, as I'm in the CBO to discuss how to deal with my ridiculous $100+ fine for music I have lost, I realize that I've lost my bus pass. The bus pass I've had for literally FIVE DAYS. I was SO PROUD of not having lost my student card, and I was doing so well with keeping track of my keys and my cell phone and all those little fidgety things I usually lose so frequently.
All I can do is laugh, really. I can never ever take myself too seriously. Because if I did, I lose so much stuff and pay so much in silly fines on a regular basis that I would be this depressed, stressed little ball of unhappy all the time. As it is, I just think this is pretty hilarious. |
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I love this sort of before-fall weather. The clouds are all milky and the sunlight reminds me of lemon wafers. I was supposed to move to London today, but instead my parents decided (this afternoon) that we're going to go tomorrow instead, which is a little not cool but I suppose one day this way or that doesn't make much difference. Plus, today we got some more odds and ends for my place. I was thinking recently about how I have a very bad memory. At Pizza Hut the other day, while reminiscing about high school with Amelie and Nina, I realized that I remember very little from highschool, and that really wasn't that long ago at all. I think I tend to do things and go places without focusing too much on specific things. There are some moments, completely unimportant moments, like driving home from a rehearsal or building a snowfort and being late for dinner, that I remember with unbelievable clarity. I feel like to have a better memory for people, places and events, I would have to actively focus very intensely on remembering. I think doing that would be very tiring and straining, almost like...hm. Like walking around with an anchor strapped to my back - there would be a constant, unrelenting weight on me to be constantly on the lookout for memorable moments. But then again, this whole not rememebering what are supposed to be some of the best years of my life is a little disconcerting. Montaigne wrote an essay about this, he had the same problem. I would quote it, but I don't remember it well enough. HM. Memory - worth it? haha. This is what happens when I have nothing better to do - I spend time thinking about completely useless crap like "OH noez, am I remembering enough of my youth!? Will I have stories to bother my grandchildren with when I'm 95?!" Gee, my life is hard. I need to get to London, start learning music and moving forward. I just need something to happen! Something that will give me something else to think about. |
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MY first trip to Poland (which I have just come back from) was, in short, amazing. It's a trip I've been waiting a long time to take, and unfortunately the opportunity came up because of legal family problems my dad had to take care of, which didn't exactly bode well. Unfortunate as the situation is/was, there was nothing I could do to help and so I tried my hardest to not think about it and just enjoy the trip. We had a 12 hour-stopover in Dusseldorf on both our way there and back, which was incredibly brutal considering how sleep deprived I was both ways: heck yes for sleeping on a park bench in the middle of major european commercial centre (Melissa, you would have died of happiness for all the shopping you could do there). We stayed in our family home on the outskirts of Warsaw, and although the house is sort of far from the city centre, it makes up for it in all sorts of ways. My great-grandfather built it before WWII, right after WWI, so my grandmother grew up there and so did my dad. Its in this gorgeous area where there is a little forest nearby. Warszawa is essentially Poland's Toronto, as in no one from outside Warszawa likes Warszawa or Warszowiakow (er, people from Warsaw), because they're supposed to be rude, aggresive and just generally jerky. And I did notice that in a public context people are a little more aggressive than I'm normally used to, but with their friends and family, everyone without exception that I met during my stay was so incredibly kind and caring and relaxed and easy-going. I essentially spent my time visiting family or family friends - I have cousins! Who are my own age! Who are actually lots of fun! I actually enjoyed spending time with family. A lot. Which is something new for me - family usually means only mom and dad and that is most of the time not fun. There were four people who I really bonded with and spent a lot of time with,
My cousin Joasia who is also studying voice -she showed me museums, historical things, we went to the opera together), My cousin Michal (who is starting at Loyola University in Chicago this sept - he is this incredibly smart guy who is really into modern art, the cafe scene and all sorts of interesting music: he introduced me to all this polish and french music - we went to a lot of indie concerts - he's essentially the polish equivalent of a hipster, haha), My cousin Marta (they're all named marta in poland, guys -, who is a law student and was determined to show me that Warsaw has a nightlife, which it definitely. definitely. does - clubs, bars, polish alchohol. Lots of fun, some awesome/embarassing stories, lots of night-time adventures), And Agnieszka, who I met through a family friend. Agnieszka is one of the most incredible people I've ever met, and pretty much I'm a little bit in love with her. As great as the city is, meeting those people and getting to know them was really the best part of the trip. It broke my heart a little (ok more than a little) to have to leave, because I felt so at home there - if I could have stayed, I would have in a heartbeat. And now I'm back and realizing I have less than a week to learn a whack of music before I got to London and get slaughtered by Irena Baerg. I am so woefully underprepared. And starting to freak out a little because of it. Plus moving everything I own to London that same week. I wish I was still in Warszawa. |
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I am back in Toronto and it doesn't feel like home anymore. As much as I love this place, as much as I love downtown and bloor west and the rock and all those things, being in my parents' house feels alien to me. I am very much not used to the social dynamic here anymore: I can't go practice at 11:30 or just fiddle around at the piano whenever I want because its smack dab in the middle of the house and my mom gets annoyed. I essentially have to get myself to my aunt's house (up a very large hill!!) if I want to get any serious practicing done. My plans for the summer look thusly:
- Working fulltime at Foods for Life (HEALTHFOOD WHAT) until the end of June
- Simultaneously trying to organize a few recitals for some retirement homes for later in summer.
- Travelling to Poland in July, which if it actually happens would actually be the most amazing thing ever because as polish as I am I have NEVER BEEN TO POLAND.
- London in August baby. Yay for new house, which I am seeing on sunday!! I saw this documentary today with Amelie (and Janet was there too but we didn't know it, haah) about Mozart fanatics called Mozartballs (named after the delicious german chocolate Mozartkugeln) and one of the people the movie was about, named David Cope (his website here: http://arts.ucsc.edu/faculty/cope/ , wikipedia entry here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Cope ) created this computer program that composes music in Mozart's style by analyzing his compositions, identifying patterns and then recreating new ones according to the formulas in Mozart's music. for example, since mozart never composed a concerto for cello and orchestra, Cope decided to do that, and the computer came up qith 13 minutes of music in an eighth of a second!!! When played, it sounds a bit clumsy and there is something missing but it has an undeniable charm. This really bothered me for the rest of the day, and is still bugging me now. Essentially, how valid is this music that Emmy (the program) is 'composing'? I mean, my immediate knee-jerk reaction is that it isn't valid at all, since whats the point of a pale imitation of someone long dead. IT takes away from Mozart's works by stripping them down to their bare bones. But ultimately, isn't that hat we do when learning theory and analysis? We gain appreciation for music by learning about its scaffolding; how bad is it really, to use that scaffolding the way Emmy does? And didn't Mozart compose according to formula anyways? How much of his genius is due to that extra human spark (whose existance is debatable even) and how much due to a thorough, if inborn, understanding of harmony and tonality and rhythm and what is effective for the human ear. Cope doesn't claim to be unearthing music Mozart would have written if he had lived longer; he is simply interested in the applications of algorithms in music and this is a natural extension of that. The example he uses is windchimes: depending on the arragnement of the chimes becaue of differing gusts of wind, the sound they create is different and that is how he views emmy's music: using the same structure as mozarts music, by differing patterns etc (like gusts of wind) the music changes but is essentially all related.
So really this whole David Cope thing leaves me very very very confused with no answers whatsoever. Because I mean really, if Mozart or Bach or whoever could have composed their music this way, do you think they would have? It is possible, potentially, maybe, that if they had had this technology they would have loved the idea of using it to its full extent. I don't know, it is all very very confusing. |
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There is this girl, she's in my music history lecture but I don't think she's a full music student, and she lives in my residence, and I've wanted to befriend her all year but haven't done anything about it. In october, she started talking to me once and I accidentally brushed her off even though she seemed really friendly and I can't explain it but I feel like we would be very good friends. So ever since then I've meant to strike up conversation, but I've never really taken any opportunities to do so. I would say this is one of my biggest regrets from the entire year. Is that odd? I had my first undergraduate jury this saturday, and I honestly have no idea how it went. Of course, I got absolutely no feedback from my panel and even though my accompanist told me that I sang beautifully, I don't really know how I did. I suppose I will see when I get comments back! Singing in von kuster was great though, the acoustics were incredible; I don't think I've ever heard my voice more clearly. This was my first easter weekend without any of my family; I won't lie, I sort of missed them. Which is ODD. Because I never miss them. But I was thinking about how it was when I was younger and my family as almost twice as big as it is now, and how we always go to Mandarin for easter brunch, and then dinner at our house the other easter day. I miss my grandmother most of all i think: I will have to call her in Warszawa when I get a chance in the next few days. I dropped 80 dollars on music related things the other day:
1. New Neko Case CD - Fox confessor brings the flood
2. Rufus Wainwright CD - Want Two =D
3. L'Amour de Loin, a DVD of a new opera composed by Kaija Saariaho (she's finnish!!)
4. An Oscar Peterson DVD for Dave, since it was SO cheap and I couldn't resist because I knew he'd like it. Paul moved out of 2west today; that's the first person to leave. I feel better about leaving rez lately, because more and more I start remembering that just because we won't be in rez together doesn't mean we won't be friends next year or hang out. I've always been a little afraid that next year, I just won't see a bunch of people like Matt and Ian, who are never really around the music building. But I think everything will be ok :) Lots of hilarious things happened this week: Fire alarm on thursday night meant that a majority of 2west spend a good three hours (till 2 AM!) in the music building lobby playing MAO (the best card game ever)Mitch spent those three hours in my room writing a composition on Finale on my computer than involved sequences of II of II of II of II and III of III of III of III and IV of IV of IV of IV and VI of VI of VI of VI and vii of vii of vii of vii.... yup. I lost my roommate for a few days and gained a new one: Mitch replaced janet for a good few nights, and then the one night in the week janet slept in our room I slept over in Matt's room. On saturday night, a few of us went out to dinner at 11 pm at Christina's pub and shared deep dark secrets about our love lives (WHAT? YOU MADE OUT WITH WHO DURING O-WEEK?!! etc) and then yesterday the easter orphans had easter dinner at tj baxter's. Times like those are why I heart my friends and university in general. speaking of my friends: mitch and lauren just (literally) Waltzed in here singing Teddy Bear Picnic and then plopped themselves down on my bed and then mitch swung his keys and they flew across the room and hit our mirror and knocked over half the stuff on vanity. Uh. These guys are awesome. They're planning their Canadian Idol outing, which they've roped me into. These guys. are so awesome.
Current Mood: |
 jubilant |
Current Music: |
La Boheme | |
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"Music is my mother and my father. It is my work and my rest...my blood, my compass, my love." - Jeff Buckley. I just read that a few days ago, and I thought it was really lovely. The end of reading week constituted a lot of hours in the library and then a fair amount of partying that included Hallowe'en II: The Revenge (A halloween for second term, which is woefully underequipped in terms of holidays except for St. Patty's day), which consisted of Lauren, Mark and I dressing up and watching Rocky Horror, and a very fun filled Friday wherein Janet and I consumated our love, I had some fun of a similar sort with Danny, and then promptly puked and felt ill and crashed by 1 AM. I was so out of it that at one point, there were about ten very loud drunk people in my room, some sitting on my bed, and I just SLEPT THROUGH IT. I slept through Sarah punching Josh! I was sad I missed that. Katie and Lauren and I were just talking, and Katie said this: Love is a choice, not an emotion. I think to a large extent, I really agree. I mean, ultimately, (in my experience anyways) you can either decide to love someone or you can decide you do not want to invest emotionally in something, whether it is a friendship or a relationship or even your relationship with family. There are emotions that are associated with love, and obviously you can't just pick someone off of the street and decide to love them with your whole heart and expect that to go swimmingly. And sometimes, even when you care for someone very much, you can't love them and that happens. But largely, I think I agree that love is a choice you make, and once you decide to make it it is very difficult to unmake it. But the initial step, to trust yourself and another and each other, I think there is more choice involved there than I have ever really cared to think about. Its a slightly frightning thought, really, realizing you have more choice or control or whatever over something like this than you thought.
I suppose this is just one of those cases where one little comment for some reason just lodges in your brain and won't leave. Its another example of how when you are experiencing certain things, or thinking a lot about certain issues or ideas, then suddenly you start finding connections between your thoughts and books you are reading, or conversations that are completely unrelated, and you amalgamate all that information together and I suppose the end result is that you learn something. |
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I have been reading this book, The Leopard, by Giuseppe di Lampedusa, that I picked up on a whim last summmer in a used book store in Ottawa for a buck fifty, just because it was a penguin edition and I figured that most books published by penguin are good books. Also, someone named L. P. Hartley is quoted as saying it is "Perhaps the greatest novel of the century". This is not a light statement, and so I started this book with some trepidation. But this book is absolutely a gem; it is only 200 pages long, and the way it is written reminds me of a finely crafted piece of jewelery; the language is so precisely chosen and so delicate that each phrase spins itself out beautifully to just the right length and then ends just where it should. Reading it is like listening to Mozart. I spent about three hours in the music library today, picking new repertoire for my final month here this school year (I can't stop thinking about the fact that my first year will be over in a month). Afterwards, I went over to Pratik's, we ordered Swiss Chalet (Which I have never done before!) and watched his kitten tear about the apartment. At one point, I was sitting on the couch, and Loki hopped up onto the top of the couch, sat beside my head and started pawing at my hair. And then chewing it. It was adorable, and it made me want a cat of my own very very badly. I think I am off to read more of The Leopard, I have about 10 pages left. The thing is, I don't want to finish it because I don't want the book to end. So I might cheat and read something else. I recently started reading Medieval Writings on Female Spirituality, something I picked up off my shelf at home also on a whim. My problem with books is my short attention span; I treat them like dishes at a buffet. I rarely take only one in at a time, I always have to have bits and pieces here and there of many various books at one time. But I sort of like my method of reading, I end up finding connections between works that I never would have expected to find. I really enjoy that actually, how two completely unrelated books can really bring out new things in each other when read simultaneously. Off to Donnafugata, or maybe Bingen, I haven't decided yet. |
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First entry! I was going to put a quote here, but I think that would be like saying I don't have anything interesting of my own to say. So I will say this:
I love Toronto, but I miss London. After going downtown tomorrow, I will be 100% ready to get back to res and back to school; I miss those people and those buildings very much. I'm bringing back my lp player and lots of my lps, which means excellent times will be had with my records: they are mostly Bach and opera and much Rach also. Janet and I need to find a place to live. I've started buying cups. |
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schnuckiputzi's journal